A Clockwork Syringe

Author(s): Boomer-One
Contributor(s): None
Members: Yes
Where to Start: Your player-owned house
How to Start: Open the package in your house
Length: Long
Difficulty: Master
Requirements: Rocking Out, Level 50 Dungeoneering, Level 61 Slayer, Level 62 Construction, Level 65 Summoning, Level 74 Smithing, Level 74 Thieving, Level 76 Defence
Items Needed: Some combat gear, prayer potions, antipoison, and food would be helpful.
Recommendations: Ability to defeat a level 188 foe that uses melee and ranged, and can drain your Constitution, and able to survive a multi-way combat dungeon.
Everyone loves getting mail, right? So, when a huge and mysterious package arrives for you at your house, you wouldn't think it to be the beginning of another madcap pirate adventure. Yet it is, and this one involves barrelchests, vengeful seagulls and more concussions than all previous pirate quests combined.

Special Delivery!

When ready, click on the Player-Owned House Portal. Under the normal options to enter your house, a friends house, etc., click on A Clockwork Syringe. Take the delivery note. Click on the note to read it, then again choose A Clockwork Syringe on the portal. Sorry folks, no more kitten cutscenes.
Choose to investigate the package. You will enter your house to find a large box there..... Prepare for battle! It will drain your Constitution, meaning your max Life Points is lowered too! Every once in a while it will glow blue and tell you to prepare yourself. Run away as fast as possible, as it it will destroy everything nearby.
Make sure to keep it away from your chapel if you intend to restore your prayer there, because it will destroy it too. After it is dead, the Estate Agent will be there, with the Zombie head nearby.

The Estate agent will tell you the cost of repairs will cost you nothing thanks to insurance. The agent will leave you to deal with the Zombie head. Interrogate him.

Cruel and Unusual Punishment...

Your methods of torture include:
  • Wet willy - Lick your finger and poke it in the zombie's ear. Greatly increases zombie's stress level. Long cooldown.
  • Nose pinch - Pinch the zombie's nose hard. Slightly increases zombie's stress level and makes his nose sore, doubling the effect of a pig nose attack if used a short time after.
  • Pig nose - Stick your fingers in the zombie's nose and pull up. Moderately increases stress level. Effect doubled if used immediately after a nose pinch.
  • Shake - Shake the zombie. Slightly increases the zombie's stress level and prevents it from reducing for a short time.
  • Insult - Insult the zombie. Slightly increases the zombie's stress level. Short cooldown.

The goal is to use these methods of torture to get the zombie's stress level all the way up. The stress level constantly goes down, so you'll have to time the torture methods due to their cooldown.
Try interrogating the zombie again. He'll tell you of the plan to invade Mos Le'Harmless with an army of Barrelchests. You'll stuff the zombie head into your bag (much to its discontent). Go talk to Bill Teach on Mos Le'Harmless, or on his boat in Port Phasmatys.

Twiblik Night Special

Speak to Bill Teach about A Clockwork Syringe. He'll tell you to meet him in Joe's House o' 'Rum'. Travel to Mos Le'Harmless. Go to the northern most bar, and try to sit in the chair at the table in the northeast corner. Tell him you want A Long Drop. You'll tell him to drop you... and well, he does.
Talk to Bill, and he won't believe you. Place the evidence on the table next to you. You'll explain the story more in detail to Bill now that the zombie is there. Bill wants to have a go at torture, and requires some 'special equipment' that Braindeath has. He'll give you a Pirate spell sheet that can teleport you between Mos Le'Harmless and Braindeath Island.
While on the main level of Mos Le'Harmless, activate the spell for Braindeath Island, and well... a headache ensues. Talk to Captain Braindeath about A Clockwork Syringe. Braindeath would help you, but he has problems of his own. Some of his brewers have gone missing.
He'll tell you of a strange doorway that requires some knowledge of Daemonheim to enter. It's flooded, so make sure to bring the fishbowl helmet and diving apparatus. Head to the ground floor, and head to the west side of the brewery where 50% Luke is. Try opening the gate and distract him.
Go north and enter the Mysterious door. You will be in an underwater Daemonheim dungeon. There are three paths, you must go through each one and collect the badges off the dead brewers. The zombies there use range, and the crabs use melee. You may have to kill everything in the room to be able to search the bodies without being interrupted.
Once you have all three badges, return to Braindeath, who will make you take 'The Oath' before giving you the Twiblik Night Special. Once you have it, return to the bar and take another Long Drop...

What Happens at Sea...

Give Bill the package, and he'll unlock it. Once you're ready... open it... But make sure you're really ready first!

Uhm... Talk to Bill about the plan, and the contents of the chest. This part is self-explanatory.

After trying to give you the long route, Bill will figure out the island you're going to. Meet Bill on his ship to get underway. Bill still has his doubts about 'You-Know-Who'. You'll be attacked, but Bill has an idea to get you to the island.
Go down the stairs, then down to ladder. Open and search the gun locker for a cannon ball, search the repair locker for a chain, then take some gun powder from one of the barrels. Pick up the tinderbox and hammer from the ground, use the tinderbox on the gunpowder to heat up the chain. Attach the chain to the cannonball using the anvil. Take a barrel from one of the piles, and use it on the cannonball-chain to make a cannonball barrel-boat.
Take two more gunpowder, then head up the ladder, and take the ride using the cannon.

Bloodsplatter Isle

You'll be on the island. Investigate the nearby Perch Rock, and a seagull will fly in and talk to you. He'll make sure you're acquainted with how he knows you. The seagull will offer to help you, as it is restricted to flying around the island due to the cannons.
Because you are an adept summoner, the seagull will allow you to take control of it and rain cannonballs on your common enemy, the Barrelchest Mark IIs. Using the controls on the bottom of the screen, control which way the seagull flies, then click the center cannonball icon to drop one. Once you kill all the Barrelchests, talk to the seagull again.

The seagull suggests you return to the ship. Jump off the nearby pier to swim to the adventurous. Climb the ladder back up to the wheel and talk to Bill. He'll drop you off at the dock. Try heading into the complex, and you'll be ambushed by a zombie.
You'll appear in a locked room. Pick-lock the door open. Return to the dock and signal The Adventurous. Tell him you have a problem. He'll give you an idea.
Grab a roll of bandage, a surgical mask, and a bundle of parts from the area right next to where you were locked in at. Grab a barrel from there too. Return to Bill and he'll build you a disguise.
Enter the building and change into the disguise. In the western most room, attack the zombies there. Using the cannon will stun them. Once they're all killed, look at the nearby notice board.
In the room just to the northeast, look at the notice board there too. In the room to the south, sabotage the gas canisters on the south side of the room. Tell a joke to the three dis-orderly to distract them. After that, brutalize them to kill them. Investigate the noticeboard.
In the room to the northeast, sabotage the three tables holding the giant arms. You'll back out of the room... sorry, no kittens this time...

Investigate the board there. In the room to the south, the attendead will ask for help to finish building the zombies. Return to where you got your supplies for your disguise, then change out of the disguise. Get three black powder from the barrels there, then grab three barrels, and change back into the disguise. Use the powder on the barrels, and finish 'building' the three barrelchests.
Detonate them, and they'll kill the surgeon. Investigate the last board, head back to the dock, change disguises, and return to the ship. He'll take your disguise and give you a bundle of kegs to destroy the production line.
Pull the lever, then place barrels on the production lines. Zombie pirates will get up on the production line, and will be destroyed by barrels on the line. You will have to place multiple on each line to get them to go all the way through and destroy the machines.
Jump over one of the low walls in between the machines, and follow the dock. Climb down the ladder to see Mi-Gor and Mechanical Murphy. They will leave on two zomboats. Board the third and go after them. Click to get around, and when you're near a zomboat, click on it to fire at them.
Watch your ships health. To repair it, you can't move, so try to back off from zomboats to repair. You won't be able to repair all the way though. Once they're all sunk, you will return to Bill's ship.

Finishing Up

You'll return to Mos Le'Harmless. Return to Joe's and take another Long Drop. Talk to Bill to claim your reward.
Reward Scroll
1 Quest Point, 19,000 Defence XP, 18,000 Smithing XP, 18,000 Thieving XP, 15,000 Summoning XP, 11,250 Construction XP, 11,000 Slayer XP, 5,000 Dungeoneering XP, access to a new combat dungeon, and an item allowing quick transport between Mos Le'Harmless and Braindeath Island, Two extra spins on the Squeal of Fortune